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It'southward like the story of Goldilocks and the quest to observe one that's jusssst right, only at present we're talking vaginas instead of beds.

The notion that a vagina can be too loose — and the so-chosen reasons why a person might be loose — become way back and, TBH, are all wrong.

Since around the 16th century, the give-and-take "loose" has been used to depict women of so-called loose morals who cheat on their spouses.

Though we can't say for sure, it would appear that somewhere along the lines the term started to be taken literally, creating this myth that cheating somehow equates to a loose vagina.

A lack of sex ed, jealousy and insecurity, and mayhap a sprinkling of misogyny has kept this harmful — non to mention completely inaccurate — theory alive.

It'south right up there with the conventionalities that virgins are "tight," and it'southward not true.

As long as vagina is able to do what it'south supposed to practice without causing its owner any hurting or discomfort, then it'southward completely fine. Who gets to decide what classifies as "also" anything, anyway?

Historically, reference to a loose vagina has been used as a fashion to shame people for their sex lives. It isn't rooted in whatsoever fact or science.

If your partner's vagina honestly and truly does ~feel~ loose to you, that'south a affair of perception and tin can happen for a few reasons. Simply that doesn't mean that information technology'south actually bigger or looser compared to other vaginas.

Allow's start with some Vagina 101. A vagina is a muscular canal, and its tissue is elastic. Like super elastic and able to accommodate things coming in, like a penis or a monster dildo, or coming out, like a baby.

Similar other rubberband tissue in your body, the vagina can stretch when it needs to, and then it bounces back.

Take your oral cavity, for instance. When yous yawn or wrap your lips effectually a triple-decker burger, your lips snap back to their normal shape and size, right? Same for a vagina.

When whatever muscle tenses and relaxes, as muscles do, it can make the muscle feel tighter or looser.

You can definitely feel this during sexual practice with someone with a Five, because the pelvic floor muscles relax with arousal, making the vagina more than accommodating.

Once a person's no longer aroused, the vagina bounces back to its original state. Information technology doesn't matter how frequently or hard it's penetrated or how big the penis/toy/fist it takes in — that relaxation isn't permanent.

The only things that tin can affect the vagina'south elasticity are aging and childbirth, and the changes in tightness aren't drastic by whatever stretch.

Vaginal elasticity begins to modify in a person'due south 40s, when estrogen levels begin to drop in perimenopause. Lower estrogen causes the vaginal tissue to get thinner and drier, and eventually less stretchy.

Every bit for childbirth, of course the vagina'southward going to change subsequently a vaginal delivery. It simply passed a infant through the birth culvert and out the vagina, FFS!

Any "looseness" will be most noticeable in the first few days after giving birth, simply it'll gradually return to its previous state. It may not go to its OG shape completely, and multiple births tin result in a loss of a fleck of elasticity, but again, zero too desperate.

If you're someone who believes that a vagina that feels tight is a skillful matter, get ready to accept your mind blown.

A Five tin can feel "tight," when there's lack of arousal or lubrication to increase its elasticity during sex.

This can mean that your partner:

  • is uncomfortable
  • isn't as turned on as you lot are
  • is distracted
  • is dealing with anxiety, stress, or another mental health condition
  • is experiencing hormonal changes

All of these things — every bit well as aging, certain medications, and medical conditions — can also touch on the production of vaginal lubricant so they don't get as wet every bit is needed.

The result isn't a vagina that'south physically smaller or tighter, though.

Y'all're just feeling more friction during penetration because at that place isn't enough musculus relaxation or lube to help things forth. BTW, even if you lot enjoy the feeling, that extra friction may exist painful for your partner.

If your belief that your partner'south vagina is somehow also loose is affecting your relationship and how y'all feel about your partner in or out of the sleeping accommodation, it's fourth dimension for some soul-searching to figure out why.

Information technology could be that y'all're placing blame on your partner for something that you're struggling with, whether you've recognized it nonetheless or not.

Some possibilities to consider:

  • You're anxious virtually your sexual operation.
  • Y'all're insecure well-nigh your penis size.
  • Yous're unsatisfied with your sex life and afraid to bring information technology up to your partner.
  • You lot're dealing with jealousy, resentment, or other negative feelings.

If any of these ring true and you feel similar you demand help working through it, consider talking to a healthcare professional or find a sex therapist or sexuality counselor through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists directory.

There are things you tin practise to increase sensation during sex if yous and your partner are both upward for information technology.

When bringing information technology up to your partner, avoid using whatsoever language that could be construed as shaming or blaming. Avoid pointed statements like "having sex with you doesn't feel adept" or "you don't experience tight plenty."

Added awareness is something you'll both enjoy, then focus on that by proverb things like:

  • "This position is supposed to increase sensation and feel really good. Would y'all be open up to trying it?"
  • "This toy's supposed to feel astonishing for couples. Should we become it?"
  • "I love it when we [insert action] and think information technology would experience fifty-fifty ameliorate if we… "

Now, let's go to ways to increment the feels down in that location.

Try sex positions that create a tighter fit

Whatsoever position in which the vagina-having partner tin go along their legs together will create a cozier infinite.

FYI: These besides work well for people with thin or smaller-than-average penis.

You can modify pretty much any sexual activity position this way for P-in-V or strap-on sex activity, or fisting, including standing, or lying confront down or dorsum down.

Spooning and modified doggy mode with knees together are goodies, besides.

Consider anal

The anus is tighter than the vaginal canal, and butt play tin exist incredibly pleasurable for both parties.

If you make up one's mind to give it a try:

  • Utilize lots of lube to help things along and prevent tearing.
  • Effort extended erogenous play to assistance relax the muscles and increase arousal first.
  • Start small and slow with a lubed finger or an anal dilator and gradually work your mode upwardly.

Attempt sex toys

At that place are plenty of toys to kick upward the feels for both of you.

Purchasing any of these should exercise the play a trick on:

  • a vibrating erect band, like the Lelo TOR two or the SvakomWinni Vibrating Band
  • a dildo with clit stim for the wearer, similar the Wet for Her Fusion Strap-On Dildo
  • a vibrating penis sleeve, similar the Hot Octopus Duo

Having a partner tell you lot you're too loose can be incredibly hurtful and a big accident to your self-confidence. Just know that there's nothing incorrect with you, and the issue is theirs, not yours.

If your vagina'due south elasticity has changed because of childbirth or aging, information technology's completely normal.

Don't feel pressured to modify your body or try any sketchy vaginal tightening products, which could end up doing more than harm than good.

Information technology'southward possible your partner's comment came from a place of ignorance that can exist chalked up to subpar sex ed or even their culture or upbringing.

Educating them by sharing medically authentic data re: the vagina and how it works could put the notion to residual. You lot could also have your partner back-trail y'all to an appointment with a healthcare professional who tin explain information technology to them.

If this doesn't aid or they try to pressure yous into changing your body for their do good, it may be time to reassess your human relationship.

A loose vagina is a myth. If you aren't feeling the awareness yous desire during sex, it'southward time to think outside the box, literally, and work on getting past this notion and find ways to increase sensation for you and your partner.

Remember in that location's a helluva lot more to sex than but penetration, so consider exploring other avenues of pleasance while you're at it.

Adrienne Santos-Longhurst is a Canada-based freelance writer and author who has written extensively on all things health and lifestyle for more than a decade. When she's not holed-upwards in her writing shed researching an commodity or off interviewing health professionals, she can be found frolicking effectually her beach town with married man and dogs in tow or splashing about the lake trying to chief the stand up-upwardly paddle board.